alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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