Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
