Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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