Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
