if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
