i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
