Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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