I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she told me i tasted like america
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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