OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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