Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
