So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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