Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
