dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
