Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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