Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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