She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
