Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
