Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
