she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
