We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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