So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Houston, we have a squirter
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
