Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
