when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
