Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
