I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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