Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
