No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
