If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
