I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
