OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
