sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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