you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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