and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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