3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
