this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize