Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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