Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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