So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
