I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
