Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
