you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
