Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
