Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
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