Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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