Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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