so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
