Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
