The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
