im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
