dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Please, let me fuck your mom
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
