My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
