Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
