It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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