Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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