At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
