are you still at the devil's house?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
my poor anus
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
