O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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