what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Girls should come with a carfax report
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
