I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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