somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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