So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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