Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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