she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
