Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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