If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he quoted the bible to break up with me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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