I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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