I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
