I'm going to jail i love you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
