it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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