Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
